Sorting Through a Loved One's Belongings: A Practical Guide

Sorting through a loved one's possessions is one of the most emotionally taxing aspects of bereavement — a task that requires making practical decisions while grief is still raw. There is no guide that can make it easy, but a clear approach to the process can make it more manageable, protect you from inadvertently discarding things of value, and reduce the potential for family conflict. This guide sets out the main considerations.

When to do it: there is no single right time

There is significant cultural pressure on bereaved families to clear a deceased person's home quickly — particularly if it is a rented property (where the tenancy costs are ongoing) or where other family members want to proceed with selling the estate. But for personal belongings that are not time-sensitive, there is no legal deadline.

As executor of the estate, your legal duty is to collect and safeguard the deceased's assets, not to dispose of them immediately. Personal effects with sentimental but no significant monetary value can remain as they are for as long as the grieving family needs.

Research on grief consistently shows that premature clearing of a loved one's belongings — done out of a misguided effort to 'move on' or accommodate others' timelines — often causes long-lasting regret. Many people find that waiting three to six months before tackling the main clearance gives them sufficient distance to make decisions they feel at peace with.

If the property needs to be vacated quickly for practical reasons, consider moving boxes of personal items to storage rather than making rushed decisions about them under time pressure.

A practical approach: working in categories

The most common mistake people make when clearing a deceased person's home is trying to make a decision about each individual item as they pick it up. This is emotionally exhausting and often leads to paralysis, distress, or hasty decisions that are later regretted.

A more manageable approach is to sort items into broad categories before making decisions:

• Keep (family): items that family members wish to retain for sentimental or practical reasons — set aside in a designated area without yet deciding who gets what
• Donate to charity: good condition items that no family member wants to keep — British Heart Foundation, Cancer Research UK, and Oxfam all have house clearance services that collect large volumes
• Sell: items that may have monetary value and are worth selling rather than donating — set aside for assessment and valuation before deciding how to sell
• Dispose: genuinely worn out, broken, or unusable items — be careful not to move things here too quickly before checking for value

Label boxes or rooms clearly with these categories and resist the urge to make final decisions on any single category until the sorting phase is complete. This preserves your options and prevents premature disposals.

Valuable items: what to get assessed before you donate or skip

Many families inadvertently dispose of items of significant monetary value because they do not recognise them as valuable. Categories that routinely warrant professional assessment before disposal include:

• Jewellery: items that look old-fashioned or broken may be valuable; always have hallmarked gold or silver jewellery weighed and assessed before discarding
• Antiques and furniture: items made before 1900 that look 'old' may be significantly valuable — particularly if they have unusual features or are in good condition
• Art and prints: original paintings, watercolours, and prints — even by unfamiliar artists — can have substantial value; framed prints and photographs less so, but exceptions exist
• Stamps and coins: these can be highly valuable even to a non-collector's eye, appearing as an ordinary collection; the Stanley Gibbons stamp catalogue or British Numismatic Trade Association members can advise
• Books: first editions, signed copies, and books on specialist subjects can be worth hundreds or thousands of pounds; a local antiquarian bookseller can assess quickly
• Wine and spirits: bottles older than 20 years or from recognised producers may be worth having assessed by a wine merchant before disposal

The British Antique Dealers' Association (BADA) and the Association of Art and Antiques Dealers (LAPADA) both have member directories of reputable appraisers. Many auction houses — including Bonhams, Christie's, and regional auction rooms — offer free initial assessments.

Sentimental items and family disagreements

Disputes between family members over sentimental possessions are among the most common sources of conflict following a death, and among the most damaging to family relationships. The items in dispute are rarely financially significant — they are significant because of what they represent.

First-come-first-served — where whoever arrives at the house first takes what they want — is usually perceived as deeply unfair by other family members. Better approaches include:

• Round-robin selection: family members take turns to choose one item from the 'keep (family)' pile in each round, with the order rotated so that no one always chooses last
• Drawing lots: for items that several people want and which cannot easily be divided, drawing names from a hat is genuinely perceived as fairer than most other methods
• Photographs for those who cannot be there: if family members are geographically dispersed, share photographs of sentimental items and allow remote family members to participate in the selection process
• Keep the deceased's wishes at the centre: if the deceased expressed preferences about who should have particular items (even informally), these should be honoured where possible

If disputes become serious, a professional mediator can help facilitate a conversation — look for members of the Civil Mediation Council (civilmediation.org).

Bereavement clearance companies: what they offer and when to use them

A bereavement or house clearance company can manage the entire process of clearing a property — removing, sorting, and disposing of furniture and personal effects — as a single service. This can be genuinely valuable when:

• The property needs to be vacated quickly and the family lacks time or emotional capacity to manage it themselves
• The deceased lived alone and there are no family members nearby to manage the clearance
• The volume of possessions is large (a full house or flat rather than a room)

Typical costs for a bereavement house clearance range from £400 to £1,500 for a standard property, depending on size, location, and the volume of items to be removed. Properties with particularly heavy items, hoarding-type situations, or difficult access will cost more.

To find a reputable company, look for members of the British Association of Removers (bar.co.uk) or the National Association of Estate Agents (naea.co.uk) who offer clearance services. Ask for references, check online reviews, and obtain at least two quotes. Beware of companies that offer extremely low initial quotes and then inflate costs once the work has begun.

A reputable clearance company will advise you on any items that appear valuable before disposing of them, and may be able to sell items on your behalf — reducing or offsetting the overall cost. Always confirm in writing what the company will do with items they remove.