What to Say When a Muslim Dies
When someone loses a loved one, knowing the right words can feel difficult—especially if you're unfamiliar with Islamic customs. This guide explains the traditional phrases, what to say (and avoid), and how to offer meaningful support to a bereaved Muslim family.
- "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" is the traditional Islamic response to death
- Simple, sincere condolences are always appreciated
- Practical support (food, errands) is highly valued
- Avoid clichés like "everything happens for a reason"
- Visiting the family (ta'ziyah) is an important tradition
- Non-Muslims are welcome to offer condolences and attend funerals
The traditional Islamic phrase
When Muslims hear of a death, they recite a phrase from the Quran (2:156):
إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ
"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un"
"Indeed, to Allah (SWT) we belong and to Him we shall return."
This phrase acknowledges that life and death are in Allah's (SWT) hands, and expresses acceptance of His decree. It's said by the bereaved and those offering condolences alike.
If you're not Muslim
You don't need to say this phrase if it feels uncomfortable or inauthentic. A sincere "I'm so sorry for your loss" is perfectly appropriate and will be appreciated. What matters most is your presence and sincerity, not the specific words.
What to say: Good phrases
Whether you're Muslim or not, these expressions of sympathy are appropriate and appreciated:
Sincere condolences:
- "I'm so sorry for your loss." – Simple, sincere, always appropriate.
- "May Allah grant them Jannah (paradise)." – A prayer for the deceased.
- "May Allah give you and your family patience and strength." – Acknowledges their difficulty.
- "My thoughts and prayers are with you." – Appropriate from any background.
- "[Name] was a wonderful person. I'll miss them." – Sharing a memory can be meaningful.
- "Please let me know how I can help." – Offer of practical support.
- "I'm here for you." – Simple presence matters.
Traditional Arabic phrases
If you'd like to use Arabic phrases, here are common ones:
- "A'tham Allahu ajrakum"
"May Allah magnify your reward" – said to the bereaved - "Ghafar Allahu lahu/laha"
"May Allah forgive him/her" – prayer for the deceased - "Rahimahu Allah/Rahimaha Allah"
"May Allah have mercy on him/her" - "Sabr jameel"
"Beautiful patience" – wishing them strength
What NOT to say
Avoid these well-meaning but potentially hurtful phrases:
Phrases to avoid:
- "Everything happens for a reason."
While Muslims believe in divine decree, this can feel dismissive of their pain. - "They're in a better place."
Muslims believe the deceased's fate is with Allah (SWT) alone. This presumes knowledge we don't have. - "I know how you feel."
Everyone's grief is unique. This can feel minimising. - "At least they lived a long life."
"At least" statements minimise the loss. The family still grieves regardless of age. - "You need to be strong."
This puts pressure on the grieving person. Let them feel what they feel. - "When my [relative] died, I..."
Keep the focus on them, not your own experiences—unless they ask. - "How did they die?"
Don't ask for details unless they volunteer them. Curiosity can feel intrusive.
Visiting the family (Ta'ziyah)
Ta'ziyah (تعزية) means offering condolences by visiting the bereaved family. This is an important Islamic tradition and act of kindness:
Ta'ziyah etiquette:
- Visit within the first three days if possible—this is when Islamic mourning is most concentrated
- Keep visits brief (15-30 minutes) unless the family asks you to stay longer
- Bring food if you can—the family may be too overwhelmed to cook
- Dress modestly—conservative clothing in muted colours is appropriate
- Men and women may sit separately in traditional households
- It's okay to sit in silence—your presence matters more than words
- Quran may be recited—you can listen quietly even if you don't participate
Bringing food
Bringing food to bereaved families is a valued tradition. Ensure it's halal (no pork, no alcohol in cooking). If unsure, bring fruit, dates, or sweets from a halal shop. Hot meals that can feed the family and visitors are especially appreciated. The family should not have to cook during mourning.
Practical ways to help
Actions often speak louder than words. Here's how you can offer meaningful support:
Immediate help
- Bring prepared meals (halal) or groceries
- Help with school runs or childcare
- Answer the door and manage visitors
- Help clean and prepare the house for visitors
- Run errands (shopping, pharmacy, etc.)
Ongoing support
- Check in after the funeral when others have moved on
- Remember them on significant dates (40 days, anniversaries)
- Offer to accompany them to the cemetery
- Listen without trying to fix or advise
- Give charity (sadaqah) in the deceased's name
What to offer specifically
Instead of "Let me know if you need anything" (which puts burden on them), try:
- "I'm going to the shops—what can I pick up for you?"
- "I'll bring dinner on Thursday—any dietary requirements?"
- "Can I take the children to school this week?"
- "I'll come by on Saturday to help with whatever's needed."
Attending a Muslim funeral
Non-Muslims are generally welcome to attend Muslim funerals. Here's what to expect:
Funeral etiquette:
- Dress modestly—long sleeves, covered legs. Women may cover their hair at the mosque.
- Remove shoes when entering the mosque prayer area
- The funeral prayer (Janazah) is short (5-10 minutes), performed standing. You can stand respectfully at the back without participating.
- At the cemetery, stay quietly at the back unless invited forward
- No flowers are typically brought to Muslim funerals—donations to charity are preferred
- Express condolences to the family before or after the service
Sending a card or message
If you can't visit in person, a card or message is thoughtful:
- Keep it simple and sincere
- Sympathy cards are appropriate (avoid ones with religious symbols from other faiths)
- A handwritten note is more personal than a text
- Share a positive memory of the deceased if you have one
- Offer specific help rather than vague offers
Sample message
"Dear [Name],
I was so sorry to hear about [deceased's name]. They were such a [kind/generous/warm] person, and I have fond memories of [brief memory if you have one].
Please know that I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. I'd like to bring a meal over next week if that would help—I'll text you to arrange.
With deepest sympathy,
[Your name]"
Donations in lieu of flowers
Muslims typically prefer charitable donations over flowers. Giving sadaqah (charity) in the deceased's name benefits their soul:
- Ask the family if they have a preferred charity
- Islamic charities like Islamic Relief, Muslim Aid, or local mosque projects are appropriate
- Sadaqah jariyah (ongoing charity like wells, education, or mosques) is especially valued as it continues benefiting the deceased
- Let the family know you've donated in their loved one's name
Summary
Quick reference:
Do:
- ✓ Offer sincere, simple condolences
- ✓ Visit the family if you can
- ✓ Bring food (halal)
- ✓ Offer specific practical help
- ✓ Listen more than you speak
- ✓ Follow up after the funeral
- ✓ Give charity in their name
Don't:
- ✗ Say "everything happens for a reason"
- ✗ Assume you know how they feel
- ✗ Ask probing questions about the death
- ✗ Make it about your own experiences
- ✗ Pressure them to "be strong"
- ✗ Disappear after the funeral
- ✗ Bring non-halal food
Related Guides
Muslim Funeral Guides
Complete collection of Islamic funeral and burial guides for UK Muslims.
Islamic Funeral Rites & Traditions
Complete overview of ghusl, kafan, Janazah, and burial practices.
Salat al-Janazah: Islamic Funeral Prayer
How the Islamic funeral prayer is performed and what to expect.
Muslim Burial Requirements UK
Essential requirements for Islamic burial including qibla direction and swift burial.
Muslim Burial Grounds UK
Find Muslim cemeteries and burial grounds across the UK.
Same-Day Burial Requirements UK
How to arrange swift burial in accordance with Islamic tradition.
What to Do When Someone Dies
Complete first steps guide including registration and funeral arrangements.
How to Arrange a Funeral
Step-by-step guide to arranging a funeral in the UK.
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